Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
