3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
