Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize