o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
