I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
