Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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