just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
