i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
