How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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