I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
