Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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