you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
