You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
