So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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