Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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