By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did I show you my penis last night?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
