listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
