No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
