So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
