Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
