I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
