I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
