Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I FOUND THE LEGS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
