this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
