I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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