i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
