ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
