If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
