you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
