I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
