i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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