so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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