omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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