I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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