You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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