At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
