Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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