I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
