I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
