im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
