felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
