i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
