I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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