Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
