A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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