We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
