Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
