So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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