just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
