Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
