Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
