She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
